Why “Knowing What You Want” isn’t working for you.

(Reading time 2 minutes)

Every single motivation, leadership and personal development program starts out with the same question:

“What do you truly want?”

(and if you have most likely heard of Simon Sinek then you follow it immediately with “Why do you want it?)

Yes, it is an important question,  and it has one enormous problem.

Your answer is bogus.
And whats more, you know your answer is bogus.

The reason you know it is bogus is because every time you have attempted to figure out the real answer you felt like you were about to be sucked into the matrix. It was overwhelming. It was confusing. It quite possibly was confronting.

Most of us have not given ourselves permission to accept and acknowledge what we really want. We dismiss it because we believe others will see it as self-indulgent. Or maybe it is not sufficiently altruistic. Or not glamorous and awe-inspiring. Quite likely you feel it does not meet other people’s expectations of you. It could be the expectations of your parents, or your kids, or your spouse. So we stick to the bogus proclamation, defend it vigorously, and do our best to convince everyone else and ourselves that that is really truly what we are about. And we build an entire life around this narrative.

Ouch!

Ok. Now we are both on the same page, let us enter the matrix together. Let’s find the true motivators, drivers, and principles that are character-defining. Let us not simply bypass them, but let us observe without judgement what these are. And if you thought things had already gotten esoteric enough, then this: there is no better way to do this than to meditate.

That which defines our character, our sense of identity, and subsequently also our behaviour is not singular. It is a vast and complex web of interests, desires, ambitions, fears, attachments, memories, curiosities and quirks. and what most of us do is look for one single thing we can call the leitmotif, the anchor, the epicentre of your life. But the problem with all of these is that these are the symptoms and manifestation, not sources.

>>>Sit with that for a moment.

Ok, so what now?

To find the sources you need to begin looking for clusters. Each cluster will in turn reveal underlying and profoundly important values or life principles. It will also reveal connections and links to other clusters.

It is in these clusters and the links between that you will find what you really want.

Once you begin to unpack this whole web of clusters and connections a beautiful map emerges. That is your unique map. It is complex, rich and has no right or wrong. I have sat with countless people and witnessed that very moment that they first see their map. I have watched them laugh uncontrollably in ecstasy while tears of joy streamed from their eyes, forever transformed, awakened. I may not be there to witness that moment for you. But I dearly hope that you experience it.

Uncovering your map will take time. It will take commitment and discipline. But now you know that you no longer have to convince yourself to accept that bogus answer.

Because now you know where to look for the answer.

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