Why you must change the rules to advance.

Several years ago I was in a very unpleasant situation that had become a protracted problem with no practical end in sight. I was extremely frustrated, and stood to loose significant assets. I could see no way forward, I was stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

On afternoon, as I was reviewing the situation with one of my closest friends who has a penchant for disruptive suggestions, he of course put forward the unthinkable proposition. 

I was furious, but he was right, and somehow I knew it.

First I collated all the reasons why that option was absolutely not viable. But little by little I stumbled over small gaps in my arguments, Instead of refuting the original proposition, I had inadvertently begun looking for ways around some of these secondary obstacles. Before I knew it I was making plans and soon the entire situation was resolved. What was more important was that I did so at complete peace with myself, and in absolute control of the process!

My friend’s precise words ring in my head to this day: “Have you thought about walking away from it all?”

The proposition itself is not that radical, but it forced me to rethink my priorities at the time. It forced me to challenge all the values that I had held on to during the conflict. Once I had literally freed myself from some of these constraints, a whole new set of possible solutions appeared.

When you are stuck or your options are so limited you can’t make progress, stop yourself and be that disruptive friend to yourself.

Ask “what is the most ridiculous, unimaginable proposition that you absolutely don’t want to consider ever under any circumstance?”

But wait, before you try to figure that out, ask why. Why is that proposition so unimaginably ridiculous?

I am certain you will discover at least one priority, one value that is not serving you, that is hindering you. I am not suggesting that you let go of ethical principles and integrity. Look for things like desire to own, control or influence situations, of gaining upper hand, of monetary gains. Look for things that you can afford to loose (even if it hurts!) but that will leave your integrity intact.

When you make the choice to omit that criteria from your problem-solving process, you will discover a vast menu of possible new ways forward.

Sure, there may be some pain, some loss, but like in my situation, the benefits far outweighed the temporary loses. And the whole process came with an unexpected benefit: it made me mentally stronger and gave me an incredible sense of achievement. It was not the result I was after, it was not even a result I had imagined. It was far better than anything I had thought possible. All because someone suggested I walk away from it all.

What is possible for you if you change the rules?

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One thought on “Why you must change the rules to advance.”

  1. Thanks Winfried – good post. Reviewing my mindset is one of my biggest challenges and opportunities. I’m sure this is what Richard Branson does every day of his life. Andrew Hammonds

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