Five things that will spoil your recipe for success (and a happy life)

There are about as many definitions of success as there are recipes for Bolognaise Sauce. Everyone has one, and everyone believes theirs is the original one.

But regardless of what your Bolognaise Sauce of Success recipe tastes like, there are some fundamentals that – if ignored, will sabotage the dish. Like the pasta recipe, I have no doubt that there are a thousand more, but here are my top 5, all equally important.

  • Never ever bite back. It does not matter what people do to you – it only ever matters what you do. Retaliation and revenge do not make a better world, the instant that you engage in it you create for someone else the same terrible experience that you just have had. It propagates. You want to make everyone’s experience of you a good one. You can never reverse what has happened, but you can do your part ot ensure noone else ever has to experience that from you. You will not instantly become wealthy, (in time you may!) but it will definitely make you more attractive. Compassion has a radiance that is unmatched by anything else.
  • Never take more than you give. Ok – wait a minute – isn’t that back to front? No it is not. I am not suggesting that you live above your means. I am suggesting that you should not haggle about opportunities to help others. When you offer a service give more value than what people pay you for. Genuine and meaningful value, not token stuff. Share your knowledge freely. Let’s face it – most people will have forgotten your grand idea the moment they leave the conversation. But they will walk away with trust and perhaps also inspiration. Always, always, always give more than you get.
  • Never forget to stop talking. Regardless what you have to say, it ceases to be interesting to others the instant that they can no longer contribute and share their thoughts. Besides, you learn only when you are listening. Shut up. Listen deeply – be open to learning. There are no exceptions. It took me a long time to learn and master this!
  • Never pretend to be who you are not. The real meaning of “Fake it till you make it” is not that you pretend to be someone else, but that you embody the successful version of yourself. You are unique. Become acquainted with your uniqueness, get comfortable with it, wear yourself with authenticity and  pride. Being genuine means being truthful (neither deprecating nor arrogant) to yourself, about yourself. Authenticity increases your self-confidence and makes you trustworthy to others.
  • Never berate, undervalue or underestimate yourself. This is a tough one and probably the one I personally have struggled with the most. It means that you know what is great about yourself, and that you never stop improving it. There will be moments – sometimes very long ones – where we doubt ourselves, our capacity, our wisdom, our expertise, so we downgrade. By no means should you cease to be  critical of yourself, but know your benchmark. You will need to look outside of yourself to define it. We all have a yardstick of excellence – if in doubt refer to it. Don’t guess!.-  Value yourself. When you know what you have to offer, you are in your strength, and will continue to be of service as long as you remain humble.

Each of these deserve a post all of their own, and over the coming months I will revisit these in more detail.

If you can think of something that you have experienced that is part of your Bolognaise Sauce of Success recipe, please send me a note – i’d love to hear from you.